Goodbye Jonghyun :(

I was supposed to post about something different today, but I just couldn't seem to concentrate. I constantly have SHINee's Jonghyun on my mind...


I remember when I first got into kpop back in 2009. One of the first groups I ever listened to was SHINee. I really, really enjoyed listening to their music. I've even had their Ring Ding Dong song as my ringtone for many, many years. Their concepts were so colorful, their vocals were amazing, their dances were spectacular, and the guys were absolutely adorable. Though I didn't consider myself a part of their fandom (or any fandom apart from Big Bang, and even then, I didn't really grasp the whole fandom concept all that well), I would always check out their appearances on shows. They were always super funny, and I enjoyed watching them after stressing over college assignments or studying for tests. One of my all times favorites was Hello Baby. I thought they were all hilarious, and Jonghyun was my favorite out of the five. I would always smile seeing them interact with the toddler, imagining them as fathers 10-20 years down the road with adorable children of their own.

...but now... 

...It's just hard to believe. It's hard to believe that the show ended 7 years ago, that the 4 year old toddler is now 11 and reaching his preteen years, and smiling, laughing Jonghyun is no longer part of this world. I still can't believe it. Where has the time gone? The me back in 2010 would have never guessed that Jonghyun would take his life 7 years later. He always seemed like a cheerful and funny guy... But thinking about it, I don't know why I'm surprised at this point. Another super funny and talented man called Robin Williams also took his own life. Those who smile and laugh the most are the ones who tend to hide the most sorrow and pain. They manage to craft the best masks in order to hide their sadness from the world.  One tends to think that because other people look happy, and are always smiling, that their life is great. Sometimes it's just an extremely well crafted mask to hide their sorrows. Either that, or we don't bother to look at them hard enough to notice such mask.

...This sort of news is really hard to accept. He was hands down one of the most gifted kpop singers of his generation. He had such an amazing voice. It's sad to know that that voice is gone. As cheesy as it sounds, what comes to my mind now is that "he decided to go sing with the angels". I remember listening to his adaptation/cover of a Spanish song by Alejandro Sanz called "Y ¿si fuera ella?". I was absolutely floored by his performance. His voice, his emotion, just everything about the performance was amazing. After a lot of thought, I decided to go watch it again. Listening to his voice, the sorrow, the feeling as he performed that song, it took on a whole new feeling... ...a whole new meaning. I cried.

We tend to forget just how complex and complicated the human mind is. It's not as simple as 123 or xyz. There is no clean cut solution or answer to everything, especially when it comes to mental illness. I can imagine all the "if only's" and "what if's" fans and loved ones of Jonghyun are thinking. I even find myself thinking that as well. ...But there's really nothing we can do. Unfortunately, there is no time machine to go back and change things...

I hope that Jonghyun's death can help push to make much needed changes in the kpop industry. I always felt like mental health issues with idols were usually swept under the rug and/or frowned upon. However, I'm not all that optimistic about such a positive change. I want it to happen, but I don't think it will. South Korea has always had a major suicide problem. It's not the first time a major celebrity has committed suicide, and I'm terrified to think that it wont be the last.

Something that worries me about Jonghyun's death is the possibility of it forming some sort of snowball effect. It has happened before and I don't want it happening again. Every single life is precious. Death is not the answer.  If you are feeling lonely and having suicidal thoughts, talk to someone. You are not alone. Please call the Suicide Crisis Line in your country. Click here for a list of numbers for suicide hotlines worldwide.  Please call them. Your life is worth saving.

To Jonghyun,

Jonghyun, you were an excellent singer. You weren't just good, you were amazing. It's sad to know that you're gone. I hope you are resting and at peace.

Goodbye, Jonghyun.

You will be missed and never forgotten.

Sincerely your fan,